


They Call You Nastya

by Current521



Series: Ruminations on Identity [1]
Category: The Mechanisms (Band)
Genre: A rumination on identity, Gen, Names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2020-07-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25087399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Current521/pseuds/Current521
Summary: Names have meaning, or, Nastya reflects on the various ways her name is said
Relationships: Nastya Rasputina & The Mechanisms, The Aurora/Nastya Rasputina
Series: Ruminations on Identity [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955611
Comments: 11
Kudos: 69





	They Call You Nastya

Your name is Anastasia, but you don’t like it, so when you wake up with quicksilver in your veins, you ask the doctor to call you Nastya. You like Nastya; it’s cute and familiar and kind and tough and all the things you wish you were, pretend to be, but aren’t.

Jonny calls you  _ Nastya  _ in the same tone of voice your brother used to call you  _ Ana  _ or  _ сестра _ , and it makes you feel a little less alone, a little less abandoned, even if he also shoots you sometimes. For a while it is you and him and Doctor Carmilla, and while it doesn’t feel like home, it doesn’t feel awful.

Aurora calls you Nastya, you think; they are not words, exactly, but they mean something to you, something real and good and lovely. You love her, and she loves you, and that’s enough.

Ashes calls you Nastya, with less contempt than they say  _ Jonny _ , and usually with a smile. You like Ashes; they’re familiar and kind and tough and everything you wanted to be as a girl, but somehow far more confident.

Brian calls you Nastya, and he says it with respect, like he thinks you’re worth his time. Maybe you are; you are the engineer, after all, and he the pilot, and you often work together.

Tim calls you Nastya, and he’s grinning when he says it, sitting in one of the gun turrets, asking you to help with some of the technical aspects of his upgrades. He yells your name like a calling, with excitement, like he’s excited about you.

The Toy Soldier calls you Nastya, offering you tea while it does so, smiling. You don’t take the tea — you hated tea in the palace, and you certainly hate it now — but it’s so nice about it that you eventually do take the cup, leaving it and its contents to cool on an engineering deck while you go off to fix something else.

Marius calls you Nastya the same way he calls everyone else by their names, but you have never been  _ everyone else _ , and it feels special, in its own way. Sometimes he says something uncanny, and you get unsettled, but it’s Marius, and it is the Mechanisms; he just is uncanny.

Ivy calls you Nastya, in that clipped, precise way of hers, the way she says almost everything. She does have a touch of humour in her voice sometimes, though, you swear she does, and she is the one who defends you and Aurora, saying  _ Aurora  _ the same way she says  _ Nastya _ , the same way she says any name.

Raphaella calls you Nastya, almost as a pet name; she doesn’t mince her words about it, just says it, calmly, like you could never be anyone else, and to her, you suppose, you couldn’t. To Raphaella la Cognizi, anyone is who they say they are, and what flows in their veins is far more interesting. Yours has quicksilver, and hers have blood, and sometimes they mix on the battlefield.

Your mother called you Anastasia, and your father, and your siblings. Sometimes, someone would call you  _ сестра _ , but mostly Anastasia. You don’t like Anastasia; Anastasia has blood in her veins, is warm and soft and  _ scared _ .

You call yourself Nastya, the woman you would’ve liked to be when you were a girl, a woman who didn’t grow up in a palace, doesn’t have blood in her veins, doesn’t flinch at murder, doesn’t mind getting shot too much, even if it hurts, a woman in love. You like Nastya.

Rabotnik Yenin calls you Anastasia Romanovna, and you stiffen, but straighten your spine; Nastya Rasputina doesn’t care for Rabotnik Yenin anymore, or Cyberia, or any of Anastasia’s life; Nastya has laid her ghosts to rest and stays with Aurora, as long as she can.

The void calls you, not by name, but a calling nonetheless. And when there is nothing but a scrap left of your beloved Aurora, you answer the call. It is cold, but your veins have quicksilver and not blood, and you are used to cold. You release Aurora, and then release yourself.

**Author's Note:**

> Russian note: сестра means sister


End file.
